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[personal profile] rensahannou
I still can't believe I wrote this :|

Title: What Happens in Vegas
Disclaimer: Yeah I don't own these guys. Or know them.
Pairings/Characters: James Maslow/Logan Henderson
Rating: PG-13 (but only for language)
Word Count: ~1400
Warnings: RPS, language, crack-fic, drunken shenanigans, general ridiculousness

Summary: "In retrospect, it had been stupid to try to get James and Logan to walk off some of their drunkenness. But Carlos wasn't really to blame when Logan somehow managed to recognize the chapel as they came up to it, grabbed James's arm, and jerkily fell to his knees on the pavement."

Author's Notes: So I was pretty sure I'd never write RPS for these boys but then they went to Vegas and this idea wouldn't leave me alone and here we are. Additionally, I have never been to Las Vegas and didn't really do any research on the wedding chapels there so this is possibly full of inaccuracies.

Besides the obvious, I mean.

Also this is partly [livejournal.com profile] shisou_eimin's fault. Aaaand I apologize for the unoriginal title.


----

"What d'ya mean we can't get married?"

"It's state law, sir," the chapel employee—minister? official? whatever the hell he was—tried to tell James. "You're free to apply for a domestic partnership, but I'm afraid I can't—"

"No!" Logan interrupted him suddenly. "We want, we want…the, um, words, and the…" He trailed off, tapping the ring finger of his left hand.

"It's because I'm Jewish, isn't it?" James blurted out, and Carlos seriously considered walking out of the fucking building right then and there.

If he hadn't been entrusted with getting these two drunk idiots back to the hotel safely, he would have done it, too. Carlos didn't need this shit. He could be asleep now, or watching late-night TV, or taking a bath or doing a million other things that were so much better and more relaxing than sitting in a stupid 24-hour chapel watching his two friends try to fight the laws of the state of Nevada so they could be just like all of those heterosexual idiots who got drunk and married in Vegas.

And if Carlos was grumpy, and cranky, and at the end of his patience, it was because he'd been trying to corral two guys who were bigger and stronger and far more stubborn than him and he was fucking tired of it. It certainly had nothing to do with the fact that he had no idea where Kendall was at the moment. Or Dustin, for that matter. Kendall's mother knew where Kendall was and that…was good enough.

In retrospect, it had been stupid to try to get James and Logan to walk off some of their drunkenness. But Carlos wasn't really to blame when Logan somehow managed to recognize the chapel as they came up to it, grabbed James's arm, and jerkily fell to his knees on the pavement.

Carlos, in a rather impressive display of reflexes, had snatched him up off the ground before he could get the words out but that didn't stop him; he just clung to James in a desperate sort of way and started saying in a volume much higher than Carlos was comfortable with "James, hey, James! Um, look, we're in front of this place, and I was thinkin', maybe we—"

The words were cut off as Carlos opened the door and shoved them both into the chapel. If they were going to make fools of themselves better to do it somewhere that wasn't the fucking sidewalk.

Once inside they were all struck for a moment by the gaudiness of the place, but any hopes Carlos had that the pair would be too distracted to remember why they were there were dashed when Logan once again dropped to his knees. Carlos thought about telling him he was only supposed to be on one knee; that would probably provide a few minutes of entertainment as Logan tried to balance.

"James," Logan started again, smiling all lopsided up at him, "wanna get married?"

And Carlos watched James melt, his face going soft and his eyes shining like that was the most epically romantic proposal in the history of the world. If it wasn't for there being absolutely no way he could allow photographic evidence of this Carlos would've had his phone out snapping pictures like crazy, because yes it was ridiculous and stupid but it was also kind of cute, okay?

"Okay," James said, nodding fervently for about three seconds and then looking like the movement made him sick. Logan struggled to his feet and they gave each other drunken grins before stumbling up the aisle to the front of the chapel.

Carlos knew he should stop them, but he also knew they couldn't legally get married and for the first time in his life he was almost glad for the ignorance and narrow-mindedness sometimes displayed by the general population of America.

…He felt immediately guilty for the thought, and settled himself in one of the pews to support his friends in their ill-guided attempt to find lifelong happiness together.

Staying there was proving to be more difficult.

"That's dis…dis…discrim-nation!" Logan was saying now, pointing wildly, obviously personally offended by this apparent refusal to allow them to wed on the basis of James's religion.

"I assure you that has nothing to do with it," the employee was saying calmly. He had to be used to drunken ravings by now, but Carlos still felt like he needed to apologize for his idiot friends.

"It's because you're both dudes," Carlos called out with a sigh. "Sorry about them," he directed to the employee, "but I couldn't stop 'em."

Probably. He hadn't really tried all that hard. No harm could come from it, right? They would get it out of their systems, Carlos would get a fucking taxi, and they'd all be in their beds soon.

Well, Carlos would be in his bed. Those two would at least be in the hotel.

"It's fine," the employee assured Carlos with a patient smile as James and Logan both turned back to look at their friend.

Carlos could see the understanding dawning slowly on James's face. "You're a dude!" he said, facing Logan again.

"Yeah I am," Logan replied with a smug smile, his eyes half-closed.

"And I'm a dude!" James went on, gesturing at himself.

"Yeah you are," Logan said, reaching a hand out to brush along James's stomach.

"So they won't let us get married," James said, his face falling.

Carlos didn't have as good a view of Logan's face from where he was sitting, but he did see the way his shoulders slumped.

"But…" Logan said, his voice a sad pout, "but I wanted, the…" He tapped his ring finger again. "The rings! And, and…the 'I do,' and the kiss-kiss." He was looking up at James now, and Carlos could see the sadness, love, and resolve through the drunken stupor on the taller man's face.

"Can we do it anyway?" James asked, turning back to the employee.

"Sir, I'm sorry but it's state law—"

"Not the…the paper," James interrupted. "The um, the words. Can we just do the words?"

The employee looked past them at Carlos, who shrugged. "Can't hurt anything, right?"

"We require payment in advance."

Then Logan and James were both looking back at him again, and Carlos stood up, rolling his eyes. As he walked away to pay for this ridiculous fake ceremony he could hear the two idiots talking again.

"We get the rings, right?" Logan asked, words slurred but excited.

"It's part of the package," the employee explained.

"Make sure you get a big one," Logan went on, and when he continued there was a smirk in his voice. "James has big fingers. Big other stuff, too."

Carlos laughed in spite of himself and glanced back to see James was completely red, though since he had been pretty red already you couldn't really tell the difference. After taking care of the payment Carlos resumed his seat, and following a brief debate on whether they wanted a Jewish ceremony Carlos watched with a slight smile on his face as his friends giggled and stammered their way through wedding vows.

James missed getting the ring on Logan's finger once, Logan missed twice, and as soon as they heard the word "kiss" they were crashing their lips together and grabbing at each other and Carlos thought he might have to find some water to throw on them to get them to cut it out. But then James was pulling back, saying something about breaking glass and when they both started looking around the room, presumably for something breakable, Carlos saw his opportunity.

"There's glass at the hotel, guys," he said, and they both looked at him like he was the smartest person in the world.

A few minutes later he had them in a cab—sitting between them, breaking up any attempts to reach around him to get to each other—and finally, finally they were at the hotel. Carlos had to stop them—well, mostly Logan—from showing off the rings to anyone they passed and when he finally shoved both of them into James's hotel room he had a moment to think I really shouldn't leave them alone when they're looking for glass to break and started to follow them in, but they were already starting to clumsily strip each other and Carlos decided nope, that's it, I'm done.

He went to his own room and collapsed on the bed, glad at least that this would be a story to trump whatever Kendall tried telling them tomorrow about his own adventures that night.
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